We completed our home study yesterday in about four hours and it was a huge relief to have it done. There are still lots of loose ends to tie up before our application can be submitted to the program, but at least we have the big piece of it done.

The process of the home study consisted on all the things you’d normally expect; an inspection of the house for safety, questions about our autobiographies to clarify where needed, etc. The thing I hadn’t counted on was how much our social worked talked about positioning our “story”. It’s an interested job I’m sure. You are tasked with both ensuring a safe home environment and making sure that adoptive parents are cut out for it, but at the same time working with them to make their dream of adoption possible.

Our social worker said she really liked to focus on a strength’s-based review—essentially the attempt to look at things that might be considered a weakness and then talk about how our dealing with them shows strength.

Anyway, the completion of the home study coupled with a record setting week for new business at the studio lead to a lot of liquid celebration last night at Veil and I feel like I’m writing this post while sitting on a cheap carnival ride. When the ride has come to a complete stop I may have more to say.

We just turned in our paperwork in preparation for our home study, which will be taking place on Friday morning. I can’t say enough about how well WACAP runs their program. The autobiographical information they request as part of the home study program is just another example.

This questionnaire, which is a LOT of work by-the-way, really gets at some significant information in an efficient way. The standard requests for “name, rank, and serial number” are addressed in other places, but on this form, some very pointed questions are posed and they force you to consider how you have become, well, you.

It’s been a fascinating process for me and really given me a sort of “snapshot” of my life at the age of 32. I’ve included a few of the many questions here, and a couple of my responses:

Regarding your parents:

How did your parents communicate with you when you were happy and excited? Distressed, discouraged or unhappy?

What did you learn from your parents/guardians about marriage and commitment? Would you say that you have generally parented (or want to parent) in ways similar to how you were raised or do you plan to do anything differently?

What were your parents’/guardians’ attitudes on education?

What values did your parents pass on to you?
Regarding your personal views:

What are your strengths? Weaknesses? Do you have patterns of behavior that you would like to change but have difficulty doing so?

How do you usually handle problems, stresses, or difficulties in the workplace and at home?

What impact do you think your childhood has had on you as an adult? Do you find yourself trying to behave or not to behave in certain ways because of what happened to you as a child?

Describe your personal goals. How do you see yourself and is there any thing you would like to change about how you see your self image? Is there anything that you would like to change in how you relate to others?

Regarding Courtship and Marriage/Partnership:

How would you describe your role within your current relationship? Give an example of your problem solving process with your partner.

Describe your partner’s strengths and weaknesses.

How has your relationship changed over the years?

How much is your marriage like your parents’ marriage? How much is your spouse like your own mother or father?

And a few of my responses…

MOTIVATION TO ADOPT:
Please describe how you came to the decision to adopt (include information regarding infertility or any other medical condition, if applicable).

Kerri and I have always talked about the idea of adoption, but with our first child, we felt a real draw to biological child-birth. Kerri was terribly sick for the entire pregnancy and spent the last trimester or so on bed rest. When we started to talk about another child a few months ago we decided we’d start trying to have a second child together, and at the same time beginning to research on adoptions. The idea was we’d let fate take its course. After week or two though, Kerri was feeling like she just didn’t want to put her body through that again and so here we are. We’re both fully vested in the process and philosophy of adoption.

PREPARATIONS FOR ADOPTING:
What issues do you feel are important to discuss with your child in regard to his/her adoption?

Clearly the issue of identity will be an important want for the rest of our child’s life. Kerri and I both want African American culture to be a part of our child’s life so we will be continually talking about how we can make that happen. Also, issues of attachment will like come into play, even though we would parenting the child from a very very early age. We will do as much as we can do to foster a sense of attachment with our family and a sense of understanding about adoption and the child’s birth family.

If you already have children in your family, how will the adoption of another child impact the other members of the family?

Chloe is an amazingly gregarious child, a real social butterfly, but we can count on some jealousy. We have begun to talk to her about adoption – it helps that her best friend is adopted from China so she has a point of reference. We will continue to talk with her and look for ways to better prepare her for the big day. Part of that will include an action plan for us that will attempt to help us keep some focus on Chloe during the time the new baby is being brought home and adjusting.

Am I missing something here? Or here?

I’d love to find a reliable resource for information about prenatal health facts, but I am not able to comprehend anything written by anyone who works for the government (why is that?) and everyone else seems to have their own agenda.

Of course, I will confess my extensive search essentially consisted of typing “Effects of Heroin during first trimester” into the search box on Google and then skimming the first page of results. But c’mon! It’s the future right? I shouldn’t even have to search for something. Where is my jet pack!!!

We officially got started with our adoption last week when our info packet (AKA “the MASSIVE binder that arrived by commercial freight in a large wooden crate marked ‘THIS SIDE UP’.”) – but today was our first official workshop as the process gets rolling.We met with our newly assigned social worker who proceeded to, somehow, shake me from my tree of confidence and, within the matter of an hour or so, turn me into a babbling, trembling idiot – and I’m positive this was completely unintentional on her part.Next we met with our program coordinator. Now, we are applying to the African American Infant program through WACAP and this program, by most standards, provides people with incredibly good odds for adopting a happy, healthy baby in a short amount of time without the legal risks associated with most domestic adoptions. That said, these are still, typically, birth mothers who *may* be relinquishing their children for nefarious reasons. Part of our responsibility in the process is to become informed about the issues that may come up during the referral process.I don’t feel that I’m a super square guy or anything. I mean, I was never really a party animal or anything, but I did me some mis-be-hav-in in my day so it shouldn’t be a big deal to think about what situations might contribute to a mother making the most painful decision of her life. But, as we sat there, listening to our instructions regarding becoming informed about the potential effects on a child of prenatal heroin use and how there are a entirely new classes of drugs out there (something called “poly drugs” which I take to mean, “We just kind of mixed a bunch of shit together and gave it a try and now Time magazine is warning their readership about it.”) and we, as responsible parents, need to get hip to all that street lingo so we can understand just how potentially harmed our future child might be – man! What a trip. Okay, sorry for the painfully long run-on sentence, but my point is that for something that figured would be more of a just an informal information session, I can’t believe how exhausted and overwhelmed I am.We continue the saga tomorrow and hopefully, with the aid of my much-smarter-than-I wife, I’ll be able to keep my trap shut and my energy up. We shall see.