The Puzzle Problem, originally uploaded by mdconrad.

This photo was not staged. It’s official – Chloe LOVES puzzles.

We’re at this really weird/hard point in our adoption process where our profile is complete and we’re just waiting for a referral. When a case comes up that is just slightly out of our pre-defined risk tolerance the agency contacts us to find out if the case might be something we’d consider. We have had about four or five such cases in the last month and a few of them have been straight-forward “no thanks” scenarios, but many of them are not so simple. They are cases where, for example, there’s a one or two percent change that the baby could contract HIV from his or her infected mother. Now, one or two percent probability is hardly worth thinking about, but man, if we did end up there we’d be pretty devastated. In another less dramatic case the health risks with the child were pretty minimal but the baby was white, not African-American. Our decision there is certainly worthy of a longer post soon, but in the end we felt like we’d prepared ourselves for a bi-racial family and that was where our heart was at.

In each of these cases we are making decisions based on our needs and desires individuals and as a family. We try to consider the child’s situation - Would we be good for them? Could we give them a loving home and lot of opportunities? In nearly every case the answer is yes, but we’ve continued to pass on the cases. It’s so tough to think that this is a chance for us to make a difference for someone that will impact their life. It will also impact our life and that’s been the basis for our decisions so far. When time finally comes for the right case for us I hope it will be an easier decision - one that we can both look at each other and say “yes” enthusiastically. Until then, we continue to look at real-life cases of heartbreak and human struggle and choose to not make a difference. These are all painful decisions for us but they are also a valuable part of the process.