What “Hippy Mom” told me…
I got some great advice/perspective from a wise member of the Offsprung community yesterday. In response to a thread there on African-American Infant Adoption and the challenges it can present she offered this:
Hi Dave, When D was only living with us for 2 weeks, a friend visited who was majoring in multi-cultural studies with a focus in African American culture. One of the things she explained to me is that we will touch everyone’s life that sees us. It is obvious that we have adopted a black child as a white family. Whether they say anything or not, it makes people think. It forces them to take a small (or not so small) look at their own feelings and prejudices. Every negative comment we have received has been out of naivete. I never felt that anyone meant anything maliciously. The worst comment we got was “I thought you got to chooseâ€?. This was from our neighbor who saw him for the first time. I assume she was referring to his race and his age (she thought we should get a baby). I just looked at her with a smile and said “We did!â€?. I am surprised at the “their kindâ€? and “you know how they can beâ€? and other unaware prejudice comments we get. Most of them from family. I just let it all go. The way I see it, nothing malicious is meant and it is their way of processing. I can tell, because the people who are saying these things have been changing their tune since the beginning. It also is an opportunity for us to talk about all of it. I feel like if I get defensive and pissy, I will close doors to resolve the issues. That is not to say that I am not fuming inside! When someone says something factually incorrect I find the stats that prove otherwise and gently correct them. I recently heard that “they are 10% of the population causing 50% of the crimeâ€?. In context, we were talking about how to bridge the gap as far as socio-economic status between the two races. Again, It was not said maliciously at all. They were EXTREMELY misinformed. I got the stats from the DOJ website and we talked about it. The way I see it, this is a growing process for everyone. I was surprised to see my own fears and prejudices come out. I had no idea they were there. I never understood what “white privilegeâ€? was. Now I see it everywhere. I am so glad we have done it. For one thing we have D. He is fantastic. I love him to pieces. I really look forward to adopting more kids. I hope to have a rainbow of kids someday. ~Laura
I love the part about how we will be touching everyone’s life that sees us and it really forces people ask questions of themselves in regard to race and ethnicity. I think that’s a very healthy perspective to take.
